HATE TO BE ON THE RECEIVING END

. . . .

ive been calculating and calculating the expenses needed, the loans i can take
the options i have, tapping the calculator on my phone again and again and again
i was pretty confident that i will work as much as i can during the first 2 yrs and
cover much of my expenses while i cant work during the rotations/clerkship yrs.
but aft deeper research, i realized i may have been too optimistic in my projections
and i may not earn as much as i can during the first 2 years.


so i went back to the maths and recalculate again. and again. and again.
the numbers just stressed me up totally these days.
i decided that i should cover myself enough first rather than project what i can earn
to cover myself for the next 6 years. in the event i cant juggle my studies and work,
i will have the finances to back me up w/o worrying abt where to earn my expenses.
in the event i can juggle my studies and work some, i will not touch d back up cash.
and of coz if i can focus on my studies n excel, i can try to score some bursaries too.


so i had a few options laid out:
1) get a living expenses loan
that has a freaking 9% interest rate tagged to it.
so if i take a 24k loan and stretch it over 10 yrs, im paying a freaking 10k+ extra.

2) get a credit line and use it when i run out of cash
dis has an even higher interest rate that will probably kill me if i cant work
to return it at the due date.

3) get a loan from a few friends
a 100bucks mthly loan from him/her over 6 years..
minus the vacation months n work (if any), it works out to abt 6k total.


i totally hate to be asking for loans from people.
coz as they say in chinese, money sensitize things relationships, even the closest
of friends and family members. else there wont be money tussles n family
suing each other to their pants and airing their underwear inside out in court.


so here's what happened.
i was chatting with a friend abt my trip and it led to my finances issue.
shared my idea abt the friends' loan and she said she wld help.
to be honest, i wasnt planning to ask her in the event i choose to activate plan 3.
i know she has quite heavy committments so it came as a pleasant surprise.


then on my way home, i was weighing things out. if i shd send a msg to the
few i felt i could trust and ask for help and who may be more willing to help.
i sent. and 2 out of 3 responded.


one reply was "i dun usually loan. i get this alot."
from a friend whom ive known for 14yrs on very close terms. i knew many
have asked him since hez doing quite well and i know he's wary abt loans.
i guess i knew he wld reject but i didnt expect that kind of a reply.
a very big disappointment to say d least.


another was willing to loan w/o the interest. i wanted to throw in a small
interest since i felt it is only right that they earn a little bit extra for helping me.
he offered to loan me a lump sum w/o even knowing much details.


everyone has their financial committments.
everyone has their right to reject any request for help, especially loans.
but what makes the difference, is the willingness to lend a hand when a
hand is needed. or even the gesture to offer your hand.
to me, that knowledge itself is enough. i do not need you to step up when
you cant but at least, i know you will if you can.

that, to me, is a friend in deed.


and next time, im gonna earn so much that i can sponsor as many students
like myself as possible to achieve their academic dreams. that they do not have
to be on the receiving end to ask for loans or money to be the best that they can.


I AM GONNA BE A GREAT GIVER TO OTHERS!

. . . .